I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
