so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I need a beard to bite.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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