I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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