there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
im calling her cock vulture from now on
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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