Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
