mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
