the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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