that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
