I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
