you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
