dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
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