you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
