a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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