I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
