Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
