She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
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There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
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HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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