i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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