just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
