My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
