Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
