i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize