"it" just moved
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
