an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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