I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
