Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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