I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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