There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
