i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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