We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
