wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
We need to get me chipped asap
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
