I am midnight drunk by noon
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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