I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
