my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
