so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
