What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
