What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
