Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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