oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Drake has all the answers
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
