i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
