I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
