i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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