U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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