I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
