So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
