Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
