Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
