I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
