Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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