and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
My life is pants optional.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
