Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
