seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
