I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
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