my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
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