The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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