I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize
