bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
