Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
