saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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