The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
