It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
