Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
