She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize