He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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