Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
