ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
