What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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