took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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