yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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