so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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