I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
