everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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