we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm just crazy horny about you
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
