I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
